omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
