my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
