also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
