the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
