Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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