I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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