butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
