she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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