make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
