I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
