That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
