You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
