Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
