Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
