How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
