rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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