she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
