I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
