if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
