Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
