today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
