R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
