Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
