I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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