so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As shirtless as possible
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i now understand why vodka
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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