just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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