those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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