It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
