you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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