she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
