I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Houston, we have a squirter
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
