She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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