Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
