my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
