my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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