I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
