just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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