Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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