yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
