Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
