Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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