dude i'm inner monologue high
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
