I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
