she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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