i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
