Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
