we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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