We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
