Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
