we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was CRYING into my vagina
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
