Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
