I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
