I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
