I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
