i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
