well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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