she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
