drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
