Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my being single is dangerous.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
