I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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