There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
