It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
